The Story of Misty

She came to us from Missouri from Misty Lane Breeders at 8 weeks old. I picked her up at Newark Airport in the cargo area. Poor little one flew in a crate in the belly of the plane. She was so tiny and scared. She had poop and pee on her but I held her the entire drive back to Tappan.  I was so exited to bring her home.  We had discussed with the kids that we would have a family dog when Amanda was 10, but I surprised them and got her a year earlier.  Amanda was so thrilled and I remember her beautiful round face so happy and shocked we had a puppy. You could feel the love in the air as it was palpable. Nick and Jules came home off the bus and as I remember Jules was just so very excited and Nick, who was just 5 years old started to cry.  This was a little boy’s dream.   Misty had more attention than I think she wanted, as we were all over her.  Picking her up, playing with her and just adoring her soulful eyes which were still a tinge of baby blue. 

She was a feisty little girl. Cavalier King Charles’ quintessentially don’t really bark much but Misty did and often, especially when she wanted to get her point across and get what she wanted.  As a young girl she was quick. She would take off chasing cars down the street.  Bryan had to run after her on Cedar Street before she would make it to Western Highway.  With utter abandonment she would run down the front steps and across the street if she saw our neighbor Joe.  She adored him.  She cared less for her safety as long as she got a good belly rub from him. She would wander onto the neighbors lawn to see if there was a better spot to do her business, which she never had performance anxiety in that regard.  She only had accidents in the house when she was feeling sick or one of the kids neglected to take her out for a long period of time.  

When she first came to us we had Willie the cat we had rescued since we were dating. We didn’t rescue him as much as Bryan was given a kitten that was abandoned in a park in Jersey City.  My sister thought it was a great gift for him for his birthday.  We aren’t really cat people but we couldn’t be awful to a living thing.  Willie was an angry old soul.  He was never nice but we tolerated him even though Amanda had a cat allergy and we should have found him another home.  We knew no one would take his nasty cat self so he remained with us.  Misty thought it would be fun to play with him and after many, many attempts and cat scratches she never gave up until Willie was met with his own demise under the wheel of Bryan’s truck. To this day he says Willie wanted to go and it was an accident.  It took us over 10 years to share that with the kids so they didn’t think dad was a cat killer. 

Once Willie was gone Misty had run of the house.  She was always a good pet.  She slept in our beds and we would have it no other way.  She traveled well in the car but hey if u had to fly in the belly of a plane when you were 2 months old a car would seem like a joy ride.  Oddly enough there are so many stories of Misty beating death.  Once when Bryan left the basement side door open and Bob our neighbor found her wandering around the block.  He thought she was our dog so he just opened the side door and put her back inside.  Bryan is a danger to animals it seems.  Then there was the time she got out of the pop up camper when we were at North South Lake camping with the Cascone’s and others. Our campsite was down the road and around the corner and it was dark, actually pitch black. Misty smelled where we were and I’m sure the s’mores we were cooking helped her locate us and luckily someone found her walking on her own down the road.  They thought they saw her in our campsite and brought her over.  She could have been lost forever but she found her way with a little help.

Then there were two times at our lake house in Pennsylvania.  When she was a puppy we got to the house and it was winter. It had snowed and was dark.  Austin, our nephew was still with us and his friend.  As they opened the car door and put her on the snow covered driveway she took off down the side of the house and all the way down to the lake which luckily was frozen. It was quite a far distance and she made it half way across before the boys caught up to her.  Thankfully they were skinny, fast boys.  She would have been gone.  Then when she were an older girl and didn’t wander quickly but still wandered around she was outside with Bryan, Nick and our friend John. They were not paying attention and she ended up struggling to stay head above water  in the partially frozen lake.  She fell in and they finally started looking for her. Nick found her and pulled her up out of the muck of the lake and brought her back from near death. She was remarkable.  

She was expectant of a treat every time she did her business as if she were doing us a favor.  She loved ham and John did her in one Easter as she habitually put her snoot under his arm and looking like a little seal pup he kept supplying her with meat.  Let’s just say the business she produced subsequently was explosive.  She has been the most amazing pet and member of our family. 

When we got Potter when she was 8, which was done to keep her active and young she was none too pleased.  She had settled into a very sedentary life and he was a lot.  But as we soon saw their love as brother and sister would eventually be natural as though they were litter mates or at times she was his momma just tolerating his craziness. The only time we ever saw any aggression from her was when a marrow bone would be given, so over time we just didn’t give them as our girl was sweet.  Any vet or vet tech, groomer or dog watcher would always say she was just so sweet… a lovely temperament. She did however have resting bitch face which was labeled as such by Kelly who cared for our doggies when we were away.  In fact the night we came home from Prague she had a stroke.  Jet lagged and at 2am she was unable to stand and her eyes were rapidly going from side to side and her tongue was distended in a manic pant.  We thought we were going to lose her that night but she bounced back again!  She was resilient. 

She would mark you with her eye goobers, which she especially loved to do to our friend Colleen, or as we call her the treat whore. As a rule Misty didn’t play catch or tug. She would wink, so it is believed, at our friend's daughter Hayley.  She had kidney stones, lots of them when younger, didn't complain  and bounced back.  There was an odd bug that embedded itself on her rear leg, which my friend Patty had to help extricate. She just lay there calmly. 

At a past groomer she had a horrible allergic reaction to something they used on her and off to vet we went and stayed overnight. She was back home with us the next day.  

These past weeks have been hard on her and hard on us to see.  She was coughing, struggling to breathe and walk, as well as she filled up with fluid in her abdomen.  Last Thursday we took her to the vet and he drained a liter and half from her and she rallied again, but not for long. We cancelled a vacation as we knew she wasn’t long for days.  We decided to go to the lake house just to get away.  The car ride to the house proved to be too much for her or I believe she was meant to be there for her final days. Bryan built that house and it is fitting she be where I consider time is of no concern.  It is a very peaceful place.  She was struggling and we knew it was happening.  Bryan who had slept on the floor with her for weeks spent the night trying to keep her at rest.  Earlier that evening he laid on the grass under the harvest moon thinking she was ready but she held on.  He was so strong.  He was with her all night.  He was with her as she took her last breath.  I’m not as strong as him. I’m heartbroken.  So true we never have our beloved pets long enough.  She was just shy of 14 and I feel like it was just yesterday she was a puppy in my arms.  We let Potter say goodbye, but he is alone and we can see he is “off”.

As we buried her, Bryan found a beautiful white feather nearby, which is said to be the most common angel sign telling us our loved one is safe and well.  Then there are the white moths that come by as I am sobbing in the driveway, backyard or as we buried her. They are believed to be incarnations of the soul of the deceased one who hasn’t yet passed into the afterlife and would like to linger on for a while in order to peacefully part from those who are left behind. 

Whichever way it be, rest In peace my dear sweet girl.  You were a special dog and our family was so lucky to have you.  

How Everyone Loves People

There is clarity that comes from sickness.  It’s when we feel the wrath of ill that we truly appreciate the blessing of being healthy… physically, emotionally and spiritually.  The spike of a high fever can cause you to pray to the powers that be and ask for help in recovery, making promises and plans to be better, do better and change unhealthy ways.  It is also a time of understanding exactly where you are in the realm of others in the world.   We are all connected to others in some way but as we age we become more and more removed from relationships for various reasons.  

Many people come on our path along the way and at that time and place we both use each other for what we need.  It is the ebb and flow of relationships. For me in the past decade alone I have seen a  decimation of family, friends, business associates and acquaintances.  I have very few in my corner and as much as I pretend I’m fine I know I’m not.  It certainly has not been an easy process and the fallout has been extensive. Last Thanksgiving I lost an elderly neighbor who became a good and trusted friend to me and my family over the 23 years we lived across from each other.  Her husband passed a year before her and as we mourned him we stepped up our assistance with basic needs like taking garbage/recycling out and making stops at the market or putting aside a Tupperware of food for a meal.  She had been sick for some time on constant oxygen even when her husband was alive, but she needed additional help.  Their children and families live further/far away so they couldn’t be readily available.  We saw they had a need and stepped in. Taking my friend to the doctor/hair appointments or taking care of a shopping list was a new part time job for me.  Sometimes I was off put by it, but now looking back I should have never been, as I clearly see when someone needs you and they are alone you should just help. 

Last January I was sick for a month with a virus that was awful.  I was scared as I have never been that ill for that long.  During this time there was some clarity and a clear declaration that I am powerless for the most part and I need to accept help if provided, which I also acknowledge that people are rather selfish and busy, so at the same time you cannot depend on others.  It was especially apparent when I needed a cup of tea or broth and neither of my dogs were able to help out.  My husband would be at work and I had to muster up the energy to walk downstairs to get some nourishment.  Sounds simple, but the eventual bronchial pneumonia combined with whatever strain of virus was running through me made me incapacitated.  I didn’t have anyone to help, and it got me thinking clearly, we are basically at the mercy of the good graces of others. 

It is true and for the most part people shy away from being selfless.  I was always so perplexed as to why I would get praised for being so good to my friend.  Staff at a doctors office would say I was too kind or I would pick up a prescription from the store and was told how very nice it was of me.  I didn’t think much of it at the time but once I was in a depleted situation I understood the norm was different from my relationship with my friend.  I never thought of it as being selfless, just what decent people do for each other. During  this bout of sickness, I would have never asked, nor would I expect my children to come home for a weekend from school to help out.  It would be selfish of me to expect that, thus putting them in harms way potentially getting sick.  Right?

My children are actively in the process of college or recently graduated and they are venturing off in different directions.  I'm having most difficulty with their ability to be comfortably selfish.  Is it the epidemic of their generation?  Exposed to so much screen time, growing up with computers and phones, they are able to shift their focus extremely easily away from familial needs or the big picture to something that will provide immediate gratification and be easier for them.  It is uncommon for them, without being told, to assist in the mundane maintenance of the homes, easily leaving multiple mounds of mess for someone other than themselves to clean.  At a certain age I believe all understand the needs of being an adult.  They seem to piecemeal their adult responsibilities, leaving the less desirable to myself or my husband.  As I see them living their best lives and we are left with the burdens of the homes, which at some point they will inherit, it infuriates me to no end and I wonder when they will become better helpers.  I see their generous spirits with others extraneous from their immediate family.  When do they pivot with us?  How do we move forward, without becoming removed? Helping one another isn’t a burden, but an opportunity to appreciate and give back.  It is how everyone loves people.